Today I woke up feeling down. I don't know if it's because I am stuck in the house but I am just sad inside. I dreamt so much. Mostly about him.
I wish I knew why do I have this need inside for him. Like my heart hurts at the thought of losing him and it's just crazy because I should be used to life without him. He doesn't live with me right now. I kicked him out. He tried to come back but I kept telling him no. It was the hardest thing to do but I couldn't sleep next to him knowing he's not the guy I got together with. We are together. I see him every day. I run the businesses. He just doesn't sleep at home and when you think about it I think that is the most dangerous thing I did.
Anyway, it doesn't change his behavior. I stopped worrying about who he is with but days like today get me. Here I am sitting on this sofa wishing I should have said this instead this day or did this instead that day. Then I look at my Facebook and see the memories. Those things don't help.
I'm struggling to figure out how I can get out of this funk. I've already called him twice and he didn't answer. I hate that I do that. In my head I tell myself don't call, don't call, but I never listen.
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